


Positions

by couronnedesfleurs



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: All Is Not As It Seems, Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Because I'm bisexual and I say so, Bisexual Anakin Skywalker, Cannot stress enough how angsty this is, Canon Divergence - The Clone Wars: Rako Hardeen Arc, Dark, Dark Obi-Wan Kenobi, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e15 Deception, Hurt Anakin Skywalker, M/M, Manipulative Sheev Palpatine, Non-Graphic Violence, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Physical Abuse, Post-Episode: s04e15 Deception, Post-Rako Hardeen Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Rako Hardeen Arc (Star Wars: Clone Wars), Sheev Palpatine | Darth Sidious Being an Asshole, Sort Of, Threats of Violence, brief - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 13:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/couronnedesfleurs/pseuds/couronnedesfleurs
Summary: After the Rako Hardeen betrayal, Obi-Wan endeavours to fix his strained relationship with his former Padawan whilst fighting his growing feelings of attachment.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 71
Kudos: 254





	1. Heaven Sent You To Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is the only language I speak atm, so this fic happened.
> 
> Slight variation from the original arc in that Obi-Wan never told Anakin not to follow him, so it’s not until the mission’s over that Anakin realises Obi-Wan survived. This arc always bothered me because the council definitely should have let Anakin in on the secret. That sort of deception is bound to fuck someone up, so Obi-Wan is going to deal with a more distressed Anakin than we saw in canon. 
> 
> Inspired by the [slow version of Positions by Ariana Grande](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRBVlCbnh1M&ab_channel=MoonlightRecords2).

Ahsoka had been worried for her master many times in her life, far too many to keep track of. He was reckless, stubborn, and confident to the point of arrogance. It was a wonder he’d made it to twenty-two with only a mechno arm to show for it.

But all of her past concerns paled into insignificance in light of the Rako Hardeen incident.

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t hurt by what had happened. Obi-Wan should’ve let them in on the plan and trusted her, trusted _Anakin,_ to keep his secret. They were both decent actors- though remembering Anakin’s less-than-impressed face as she’d called him a brigand in the Zygerrian palace, maybe he would disagree in her case. 

It was a testament to how bad things had become that she wished she was back on that mission, being leered at by the guards and watching the disgusting slaver Queen paw over her master. At least they’d had a plan of action, an objective, the unwavering belief that despite all of the trauma, violence and abuse, they would make it out okay.

Now, she wasn’t so sure. 

She would never forget the expression on Anakin’s face as he emerged from the med unit, having been unable to rest until he saw with his own eyes what the growing rumours were saying:

That Obi-Wan Kenobi, beloved Master and deceased member of the Jedi council, was not, in fact, dead.

One look at his stony expression, and she knew it was true. Somehow, impossibly, though he had died in front of their eyes, Obi-Wan was alive.

He marched briskly away, and she began to follow him before he held up a hand, halting her in her tracks.

‘Not now, Ahsoka,’ he said, not looking back as he left. His voice was hoarse and croaky, as if it was on the edge of breaking. It sounded nothing like her confident, brash master.

For a moment, she wondered whether to follow him anyway. Anakin had been…unpredictable since Obi-Wan’s death, and she’d taken to trailing him to ensure he wasn’t getting himself into danger. But her curiosity won out, and instead she cautiously entered the medbay.

Although Anakin’s reaction had warned her, it was still a lightsaber hilt to the stomach to see Obi-Wan again. She had not even begun properly grieving his death- they’d been far too busy with the mission to deal with something as trifling as ‘feelings’. So, she had buried her sorrow deep down to deal with at a later time, and vowed instead to help her master avenge Obi-Wan’s murder as a means of coping.

He was sitting up in bed bleary eyed, having most likely been stirred from a deep sleep by Anakin’s entrance and swift exit. Distantly, she was glad they’d been able to regenerate the growth of his hair and beard. To have seen her grandmaster without either appendage would have been disturbing to say the least.

‘Ahsoka?’

He looked weary, bags under his eyes and a few bruises dotted here and there. The sound of his voice, something she thought she’d never hear again, brought a plethora of emotions rising to the surface, jostling for attention. There was, of course, happiness and joy, and no fair amount of relief, but also a definite anger, an undeniable sense of betrayal from a man she had respected so intently.

Like a dutiful Jedi, she pushed it all down.

‘It is good to see you again, master,’ she said faintly, giving him a weak smile.

‘And you, young one.’ He shifted uncomfortably in the sheets, and had the situation not been so serious, she would have laughed at how much he reminded her of Anakin. They both hated spending any amount of time in the medbay, despite needing it more frequently than the other Jedi. She was almost certain they both had allocated beds with their names on.

‘I expect you have a lot of questions.’

_Yes._

‘Just one. Why didn’t you tell us?’

He sighed.

‘It was imperative that Dooku believed I was dead, otherwise it all would have been for nothing. Anakin is my closest friend; it was his reaction that sold the deception. It was far from ideal, but it had to be done for the sake of the mission.’

Ahsoka’s nails dug into her palms, hardened from years of wielding a lightsaber. She remembered Anakin at the funeral, set apart from everyone else. He’d said nothing; in fact, he hadn’t said a word since it had happened, nor had he parted with Obi-Wan’s body for a moment. Standing tall and proud with his hood lowered over dry eyes against the backdrop of the congregation’s tears, he might have appeared unaffected. Stoic and unattached, as Jedi were supposed to be.

But Ahsoka knew better.

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you either, Ahsoka. The council didn’t want to risk you telling Anakin. You two are very close, after all.’

She chose to ignore the slight reprimand hidden in those words. Maybe she was too attached to Anakin, but she’d rather feel too much than too little. She knew her master would never have done to her what Obi-Wan had done to Anakin.

‘With all due respect, master, I think it’s Anakin you should be apologising to.’

‘Anakin?’

Hurriedly Obi-Wan sat up, looking alarmed.

‘You mean he has already been here?’

‘Just before you woke up,’ Ahsoka confirmed.

‘Ah. I can imagine the news did not go down well.’

She said nothing, but her silence must have betrayed her, as Obi-Wan’s face fell even further.

‘I must talk to him- he has to understand-’

He started to clamber out of bed, far from his usual graceful self, yanking the IV out of his wrist in his haste. Ahsoka gently pushed him back down with little resistance.

‘You need your rest, master. You’re still recovering from the mission. And…I think Anakin needs some space. I’d let him calm down before trying to approach him. Just give him time.’

He searched her eyes.

‘How much time does he need?’

She stared back helplessly, finding she had no answer.

* * *

Obi-Wan had been back on Coruscant for forty-eight hours, out of the medbay for twenty-four, and he still hadn’t spoken to Anakin.

He had to give credit to his former padawan; he was incredibly skilled at the art of evasion. Obi-Wan had barely laid eyes on him for ten seconds at a time before Anakin found he had an excuse to leave, somewhere else to be, an urgent meeting he’d conveniently forgotten about. He seemed intent on not being left alone with Obi-Wan, because when other people were around, it was easy for him to keep his distance.

He found himself wishing that they still shared an apartment, as they had done in Anakin’s padawan days, because at least he would be able to _talk_ to him. There had been no escape for the boy there; Obi-Wan had been privy to every meltdown, tantrum and mood swing imaginable. Despite many memorable shouting matches, they had almost always ended in Anakin crying into his master’s neck, shoulders shaking in apology as Obi-Wan finally got to the root of his padawan’s frustration. He remembered long, sleepless nights after putting Anakin to bed with a tearstained face, silently praying to Qui-Gon to help guide their boy. He was not cut out for the job which should have been his master’s, but against all odds, he had raised him. Anakin was a blessing that Obi-Wan hadn’t been aware he’d even wanted. Now, that boy had grown into a man, but not just any man- an excellent Jedi, an irreplaceable partner, a best friend. Their training bond, usually severed along with the Padawan braid at their knighthood, remained strong and steady; most likely to the supreme disapproval of almost the entire council, but Obi-Wan had made sure he and Anakin completed every mission successfully enough that they would never question it. Unusual though their circumstances may have been at the beginning- the master who was barely a knight, and the padawan who was barely a Jedi-, not even Master Yoda could deny that there was no stronger duo than Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker.

Due to this fame- or infamy- it soon became apparent to everyone in the Temple that all was not well within the legendary partnership that had served the Republic so faithfully. Subtlety had never been Anakin’s strong point, and given how close they had been before, their complete lack of interaction stuck out like a sarlaac in a bantha pen. Shaak Ti had quietly taken Obi-Wan to one side and asked if he’d like her to intervene on his behalf, but Obi-Wan had kindly refused. This was his mess, and his alone. Only he could make things right with Anakin; though how he was going to go about doing that, he had no idea.

Which was how he found himself sitting opposite Anakin in his first official council meeting since returning from the mission, gazing at the boy imploringly. Or more accurately, gazing at the top of his golden head- Anakin seemed to have found a sudden inexplicable interest in his boots, despite his constant complaining that the Jedi wardrobe didn’t allow him to ‘express himself’.

He resisted the urge to smile at the memory. It wouldn’t do to have Anakin look up at that exact moment and think that he was laughing at him, like this situation wasn’t slowly killing Obi-Wan inside, like he didn’t miss his former apprentice’s whining more than was appropriate for a member of the Jedi council.

The council had placed their bets on this mission’s success hinging on Anakin’s improper attachment to his old master. They hadn’t taken into account that the attachment might go both ways.

From the odd looks he was receiving from the other council members, he guessed he was doing an appalling job of keeping his feelings out of the Force. Anakin had always possessed the knack of unravelling Obi-Wan’s calm façade without even trying.

Master Windu was among those who had noticed the odd atmosphere between the pair, and unlike Shaak Ti, he possessed no patience.

‘Skywalker. Aren’t you going to congratulate Master Kenobi on the success of his mission?’ he reprimanded sharply.

Obi-Wan internally cringed as Anakin lifted his head. Master Windu and Anakin rarely saw eye to eye at the best of times, and he had never been particularly kind to the ‘chosen one’. The last thing Obi-Wan needed was Anakin being wound up further on his behalf, so he raised a placating hand.

‘Please, Master Windu, that’s not necessary-’

‘By all means.’

Anakin rose, his robes flaring around his tall slim form. He stepped forward, meeting Obi-Wan’s eyes for the first time.

‘Congratulations, Master Kenobi. You should be very proud of your achievements. Your devotion to the Jedi and to the Republic is admirably unwavering, as ever.’

His voice was monotone, neutral, nonchalant. In fact, his face was completely devoid of expression. Obi-Wan flinched at the sight of those empty blue eyes, usually so full of life, looking right through him.

He bowed deeply, solidifying the concrete lining the bottom of Obi-Wan’s stomach. Never before had they been so formal with each other. During Anakin’s padawan training, Obi-Wan had been lenient with rules and stipulations- some might say too lenient- and as a result, their relationship had always transcended such meaningless gestures.

Almost as swiftly as he’d risen, Anakin was settling back in his seat again, back lightsaber straight and posture perfect. His profile caught the setting rays of the Coruscant sun, and they set his delicate features ablaze. He looked every inch the untouchable, handsome ‘Hero with no fear’ that the HoloNet raved about.

Master Windu nodded approvingly, and even Yoda seemed pleased. Obi-Wan knew what they were thinking. They’d expected Anakin to lose his temper, to fly into a rage in front of the council, to prove their point that he was too young and inexperienced to become a Master. Surprisingly, he’d been well spoken, measured, disciplined. He’d surprised them all, and by the way they looked at Obi-Wan, they attributed Anakin’s success to him.

Obi-Wan, however, couldn’t care less if they thought he’d raised the perfect Jedi. It was meaningless, for Anakin was treating him as if he was a stranger. Polite, distant, indifferent. Everything that Anakin by nature just simply _wasn’t;_ the complete opposite of the exasperating, wild, wonderful boy he’d grown to love so deeply.

The rest of the meeting went by in a blur. For all Obi-Wan knew, they could just as well have been debating whether porgs or lothcats were more adorable instead of expounding the dangers of the separatist blockades.

As soon as they were dismissed, Anakin sprang from his seat like it was on fire, making his way out of the door. He didn’t linger to talk to anyone else on the council, and didn’t even glance Obi-Wan’s way. It was obvious that he was going to keep this up as long as he could.

But Obi-Wan wasn’t known for admitting defeat, nor was he given the nickname ‘The Negotiator’ for nothing.

He wasn’t going to let Anakin go that easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If comments be the food of fanfic authors (and they really, really are 😉), please write on! 
> 
> If you need some fluff after that angst, allow me to shamelessly self promote my [Senator Anakin and Jedi Obi-Wan fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443834). 
> 
> Thank you for reading and stay tuned for the next chapter where we will get Anakin's POV! 💕
> 
> Come scream about Hayden Christensen with me on [Tumblr](https://couronnedesfleurs.tumblr.com/)


	2. I'm Just Hoping I Don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Obi-Wan follows Anakin and makes some discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm 90% asleep rn so I apologise if this is terrible, I just really wanted to update this story.
> 
> IMPORTANT EDIT 16/01: It's been brought to my attention that there's a scene containing brief physical abuse in this chapter which some may find triggering. I apologise, and I have added the appropriate tags. Don't read on from "Who said they were meaningless?" if this will be triggering. A brief description of that scene: 
> 
> After Anakin says "Who said they were meaningless?", there is a moment where Obi-Wan uses the Force to restrain Anakin so he can make him listen. This is Not Okay, is not intended to be portrayed as acceptable behaviour, and is explored further in the story. I'm very sorry again to anyone that was triggered by this. 
> 
> Inspired by the [slow version of Positions by Ariana Grande](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRBVlCbnh1M&ab_channel=MoonlightRecords2).

Obi-Wan followed- he refused to say ‘stalked’- his former apprentice through the halls of the Jedi temple. The shadowy alcoves meant he could keep his distance while still having the young man in view. Approaching Anakin when he was angry was a delicate science; however, Obi-Wan liked to think he’d perfected it after spending over a decade by his side. It wasn’t like he could just communicate with Anakin through their bond now.

Since Obi-Wan’s ‘death’, their connection had been muted. He had attempted to reach Anakin on the other side ever since Ahsoka had left him in the medbay, but Anakin never responded. It felt unnatural, almost painful, to not feel his presence in the Force. He wondered if this is how Anakin had felt. While it hurt to be ignored, he tried to reassure himself that it was only temporary. Anakin was angry, and why wouldn’t he be? He’d had to grieve the man who was his best friend, his former teacher, his closest companion, only to find out it was all a ruse. While Obi-Wan couldn’t imagine himself in Anakin’s place, he understood how deeply Anakin felt things- more deeply than the average person, and certainly more deeply than any Jedi should.

All the same, he wouldn’t put it past Anakin to completely sever their bond in a fit of rage, and that was simply unacceptable.

People were thinning out now as they neared the public entrance to the Temple. Obi-Wan was curious. He knew that Anakin was not assigned to any missions at the moment-though it was only a matter of time- so what was he doing going into the civilian area where most Jedi avoided?

The answer soon became clear in the form of long brown curls and an extravagant floor length outfit.

Padmé Amidala may not be a Queen any longer, but she never dressed as anything less. What was unusual was the lack of her usual posse, and the slightly shifty look on her face as she glanced around, as if she knew she should not be there.

She broke out into a smile as soon as she saw Anakin, wide and genuine unlike the ones she had perfected for the senate. Obi-Wan slid behind a pillar as he watched Anakin approach her and pull her into a gentle hug. His manners had improved vastly since he was an overexcited youngling, and he now possessed an easy charm that Obi-Wan knew for a fact many people found extremely attractive. He wondered if Padmé was one of them.

Seeing the way she looked at him, eyes soft in adoration, he already knew the answer.

Anakin’s back was to him, and he was too far away to hear their voices, so he could only rely on Padmé’s face to gauge the conversation. Her brows furrowed as she listened, and his heart ached.

How long had this been going on for? Since Obi-Wan had passed away? Had Padmé offered her support and friendship to Anakin while he was drowning in the depths of grief, unsuspecting that it would blossom into something else?

Or had this affair been ongoing since they’d been assigned as Padmé’s bodyguards? He remembered that the senator had certainly been taken aback at how much Anakin had grown up, and she had definitely felt affection for the little boy she’d met on Tatooine. Had that affection spiralled into something more upon seeing that same boy fully fledged into a fine young man, taller now than Obi-Wan, his sapphire eyes intense and his face holding the promise of devastating beauty?

It couldn’t be so. Obi-Wan refused to believe it. Surely, _surely_ he would have noticed. He and Anakin were barely separated. Where could he have found the time to sneak away to Padmé’s apartment around Jedi training and missions?

They were only friends. Anakin had told him so many times before on the rare occasion he’d teased him about it. Though he couldn’t help thinking she looked at Anakin other exactly the same way he had once looked at Satine-

She suddenly reached up on tiptoe to give him a quick kiss on the forehead, and her hand raised as if to run through his hair, before she remembered herself and pulled him into a farewell hug instead.

Something dark and glowering twisted in the pit of Obi-Wan’s stomach as Anakin walked away.

He’d never had anything negative to say about the Senator; she was kind, astute and fierce, a staunch representative for the people of Naboo. She was also extremely witty, and he enjoyed their highbrow conversations. He might even have considered her a friend, had she not been a politician.

_Had she not piqued Anakin’s interest._

He shook away the thoughts hastily, and turned to leave. He could not wait any longer to talk to Anakin, and he was done hiding in the shadows.

However, he had barely taken two steps before he walked almost straight into Padmé.

She looked momentarily surprised, and he might have imagined the faint flush that appeared on her cheeks, for it was gone as quickly as it came.

‘Excuse me, Master Kenobi. I’d like a word.’

Although the senator was a good head shorter than he was, he still swallowed at the cool, hard look that settled on her face.

‘I see reports of your death have been greatly exaggerated,’ she said lightly. He suppressed a wince; she too had been at the funeral from what Ahsoka had told him, standing only a few rows away from a catatonic Anakin.

Obi-Wan briefly nodded his head in greeting.

‘Senator Amidala. I’m glad to see you are in good health. As you can see, the reports were…false.’

‘So I’ve noticed,’ she said dryly. There was an awkward silence as she opened her mouth to ask what he was doing here in the public entrance, before she closed it again. She should have known that wherever Anakin went, Obi-Wan would follow. Although Anakin would not be convinced of his previous master’s affection for him, Padmé was no fool.

‘Of course, we are only acquaintances. You have no obligation to me, and I have no authority within the Jedi. I don’t expect an explanation as to why you had to fake your own death. Though,’ one perfectly plucked eyebrow rose, and Obi-Wan felt a momentary respect for politicians she went up against in the senate, ‘there are others who deserve one.’

Obi-Wan sighed.

‘I know perfectly well who you’re referring to. I haven’t been able to get him to stand five minutes in my company, let alone talk to him.’

‘You sound surprised.’

‘And you are not?’

‘We both know Ani. He is unfailingly stubborn. He will talk only when he wants to.’ She fixed him with a hard stare. ‘That doesn’t mean, however, that you should stop trying.’

His mind still reeling with ‘ _We both know Ani’,_ Obi-Wan blinked a few times before replying.

‘I cannot give you a full explanation, but know this: I would never have done it if it hadn’t been absolutely critical. I would never hurt him like that, not unless it was necessary, but my duty came first. I know that is something you understand very well.’

He matched her gaze as they sized each other up, the last two people in the world that should have feelings for Anakin Skywalker, yet the Force had deemed it so.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin’s best friend and former master, a Jedi on the High Council no less, forbidden to feel attachment.

Padmé Amidala, Anakin’s boyhood infatuation, former Queen-turned-senator who had pledged herself to her planet in sacrifice of love.

What fools the Force had made of them both.

‘I understand perfectly, Master Kenobi. And I am glad that you managed to complete your mission without too many further injuries.’

Obi-Wan grinned wryly, aware that he still had some bruising on his face.

‘Believe me, if I’d had many more by the time I arrived in the medbay, I’d be rivalling Anakin for his record.’

She smiled.

‘Oh my, we couldn’t have that. Anakin can’t stand to be second in anything, not even to his master.’

Her eyes softened as she raked over his face, the bags under his eyes that had deepened with every minute Anakin spent giving him the silent treatment.

‘Please talk to him? I will try and put in a good word on your behalf, but he has to hear it from you. You didn’t see him after- after it happened. It was-’

She broke off, shuddering, as if the memory physically pained her.

‘I never want to see him like that again. And you can rest assured that if you or the council ever pull that trick again, I will make sure the death remains permanent this time.’

Although he probably should’ve been concerned that a pacifist politician was threatening him with possible murder, he couldn’t exactly blame her. Padmé was being a lot kinder to him than he deserved, and her eyes sparkled as the corner of his mouth quirked.

‘Duly noted, senator.’

‘I believe Anakin is supposed to be meditating in his room now, which as we both know, means he will be working on whatever machine he’s smuggled in from somewhere.’

With a meaningful widening of her eyes, she turned to leave, before quickly turning back.

‘Whatever happens, you shall always have my friendship, Obi-Wan.’

He was startled when she pulled him in for a delicate hug and a peck on the cheek with honest affection. He was sincerely grateful that nobody else was around to witness this exchange, as they might get the wrong idea. He could feel that her regard for him was completely platonic, a mutual respect and interest for the person they both cared for. Though she had bestowed the same gifts on Anakin, their intent had been worlds apart.

He didn’t linger too much on the distinction.

* * *

Approaching Anakin’s room, Obi-Wan braced himself to knock, for even that felt like some immeasurable distance between them. He’d never had to knock before.

To his surprise, the door was already ajar.

Anakin jumped when he saw who had entered his room, but recovered quickly as was expected for someone with his reflexes; as predicted, he was in the middle of fixing something. He’d always been incredibly fast, his senses almost second to none. When he was younger, he’d had a hard time from the other padawans, and Anakin had always complained it was because of his past. Obi-Wan disagreed. Jealousy was a lazy excuse for bullying as well as the most cliché, but clichés usually derive from truth, and in this case it certainly did. Even Obi-Wan had felt secretly wistful over the boy’s prodigious skills, considering he had no Force training whatsoever and still had the brightest light in the Temple, and he had been swiftly approaching Knighthood. It was unfortunate yet understandable that the other padawans, who had been brought up at the Temple since they were younglings with no guarantee they would ever become Jedi, would feel intense jealousy towards Anakin.

‘I hoped you would come to meet with me when you felt ready.’

He was silent, tentatively holding out an olive branch. Anakin carried on as if he wasn’t there.

‘Seeing as you didn’t return, I thought it best if I came to see you.’

Seeing as Anakin still wasn’t volunteering anything, he stepped further into the room, hearing the door hiss shut behind him. The space was as decidedly un-Jedi as it was possible to be, and Obi-Wan had never seen anything quite like it. Then again, he had never met anyone quite like Anakin.

The messy room was a tangible illustration of Anakin’s attachment issues, and Master Windu would probably assign him to life-long creche duty if he ever caught sight of it. Possessions cluttered every surface- souvenirs he’d picked up from different planets, pieces of his former lightsabers which Anakin swore he was going to fix to give to Ahsoka for practice, and of course a snippet of japor from Tatooine. Model starfighters were dotted around the room, and although Obi-Wan recognised one that he’d gifted Anakin for his birthday when he was young, he wasn’t sure where the others came from. Most incongruously of all were some freshly picked Millaflowers, bright scarlet and sweetly fragranced, native to Naboo, clustered in a vase Anakin had probably stolen from the Temple museum. Obi-Wan didn’t want to think too hard about were those came from either.

‘We need to talk, Anakin.’

Given Anakin’s history with the planet, he still had a lot of items from his past life scattered around. The poster from the pod race in which he’d beaten Sebulba was displayed proudly on his wall, and a dusty worn sand wrap hung on the wardrobe door as always. Obi-Wan had always suspected it belonged to his mother. 

Obi-Wan couldn’t find it in his heart to begrudge Anakin his collection, so he had let it slide over the years they’d lived together. The Jedi frequently seemed to forget that Anakin had been raised as a slave with no agency, no possessions, and no freedom. Obi-Wan, having seen the abomination of slavery first hand, never could, and he knew this room was a physical manifestation of Anakin’s need to call something his own.

He started fiddling with some parts that he assumed once belonged to a droid. This was perhaps unfair, as he knew this would get under Anakin’s skin more than anything. Anakin couldn’t stand it when anyone else messed with the chaotic pile of of loose wires, cogs and gears that he called his ‘work-in-progress’.

Although Anakin was famed for his strategic battle skills and fighting skills, it was a well-kept secret that he was somewhat of a genius. It was hidden under layers of confidence, bravado and athleticism, but in some ways, Anakin was at his happiest when fixing things. He had told Obi-Wan before that it helped him think, cleared his mind, and as meditation never seemed to do the trick, Obi-Wan had indulged him.

Perhaps _too_ much, as was now evidenced by his former padawan acting as if he was invisible.

_Right then._

Deliberately picking up a droid part that was directly in Anakin’s eyeline, Obi-Wan began to tinker nonchalantly with the pieces. He amusedly noted the tightening of Anakin’s mouth as he tried to cram together two parts that had no business being connected.

‘Will you _stop_ that?’ Anakin finally huffed, grabbing the parts from Obi-Wan’s hands, ‘you have no idea what you’re doing, so quit meddling.’

The sound of his voice, though angry and irritated, was music to Obi-Wan’s ears.

‘Ah, he speaks!’

Anakin’s lip curled in fury, and Obi-Wan waited for the floodgates to open.

‘How dare you make fun of me, after what you’ve _done_. You’re not welcome here, if you hadn’t already noticed.’

Obi-Wan stood still.

‘Fine. Then _I’ll_ leave.’

He made to barge past Obi-Wan, but he’d forgotten how strong his old master was as he nimbly darted across the room, stoutly blocking the doorframe.

‘Get out of my way.’

‘No.’

‘ _Get. Out. Of. My. Way.’_

Obi-Wan laughed humourlessly.

‘Jedi mind tricks won’t work on me, Anakin. Or did you forget that I am a Master?’

‘How could I forget, with you forever ramming it down my throat? And you must forgive me; you spent so much time in the company of criminals and murderers that I wasn’t sure how much Jedi there was left in you.’

He attempted to shove past again, but this time Obi-Wan pushed him back, reeling with well- concealed hurt.

‘I know you’re angry, and you have a right to be. But you _will_ stay here, and you _will_ listen to me-’

‘You can’t make me do anything!’

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes.

‘You don’t always have to make things so dramatic, my padawan.’

‘I am _not_ your padawan anymore. You are not my master. You’re nothing.’

Obi-Wan took a deep breath.

‘I won’t rise to your attempts to bait me, Anakin. We are having this conversation whether you like it or not, and I will not run off and sulk like a child as you frequently do, simply because you’re hurling meaningless insults-’

‘Who said they were meaningless? What if I’m telling you the truth? I bet that’s unfathomable to you, isn’t it? The thought that anyone would ever have anything less than complimentary to say about _perfect_ Master Kenobi-’

‘ _Enough!’_

Grabbing Anakin by his shoulders, Obi-Wan slammed him into the wall, pinning him there with the Force.

‘I didn’t want to have to resort to physical measures, but you leave me no choice,’ he said quietly, holding a struggling Anakin in place.

‘ _Let. Me. GO!’_ Anakin gritted out, thrashing against the invisible bonds that held him.

‘Once you’ve decided to listen to me and engage in conversation like a rational adult, then I would be only too happy to do so,’ Obi-Wan said.

‘I have no interest in having a conversation with you! You showed how little you think of me as a Jedi with your latest stunt. You and the council manipulated my feelings, counted on my reaction to sell your lies, then stood by and watched as I completely lost control afterwards-’

‘I did not have control over your actions, Anakin. They were ones you chose-’

‘Bullshit! You tell me to be mindful of my feelings, then you exploit them for the sake of a mission! You want me to be strong, but not arrogant. Unfeeling, but not ruthless. A machine, but a man. I don’t even know what you _want_ from me anymore!’

Anakin glared, his nostrils flaring.

‘But you’re right. They were my choice, and I was wrong to pursue justice in your memory. I wish I’d been able to forget you as easily as you forgot me. I wish you’d rotted in that prison,’ Anakin spat.

Something pierced Obi-Wan’s heart with painful alacrity as he searched Anakin’s eyes, so full of anger and hurt, blazing at him as if he was single-handedly responsible for every wrongdoing in the galaxy.

‘You don’t mean that, Anakin-’ Obi-Wan began, proud at his steadily his voice sounded, not betraying his splintering heart. Ever the dutiful Jedi.

Anakin’s eyes narrowed.

‘Oh, but I do. And I don’t regret what I said that day when I was eighteen either. I wish Qui-Gon was here. He would _never_ have betrayed me like you have-’

‘I wouldn’t be so sure of that,’ Obi-Wan retorted bitterly, remembering how quickly Qui-Gon had cast him aside for Anakin. It was a rare moment of weakness, but one that Anakin didn’t hesitate to pounce on.

‘Yeah, well, turns out you didn’t know him as well as you thought, did you? He’d have given you up for me in a heartbeat- oh wait, he did,’ Anakin taunted cruelly, watching as his ex-master’s eyes hardened. ‘He’d be shocked to see you now, just another mindless bantha on the Jedi council, everything he feared becoming. He’d be _so_ disappointed in you-’

Obi-Wan’s grip on Anakin’s robes tightened as he hauled him further up the wall, drawing a harsh breath from the younger man.

‘You will stop talking about Qui-Gon if you know what’s good for you,’ Obi-Wan said, dangerously softly.

Anakin shivered, noticing his white knuckles. His eyelashes fluttered as his blue orbs darted between Obi-Wan’s eyes, to his lips, then to his fists, then back again in an endless volley.

‘Are you going to hit me? Going to hit me like I’m your eighteen-year-old padawan again and hope it’ll make you feel like a man?’ he panted, daring Obi-Wan to lose control. 

Around them, the Force tensed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you need some fluff after that angst, allow me to shamelessly self promote my [Senator Anakin and Jedi Obi-Wan fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443834). 
> 
> Come scream about Hayden Christensen with me on [Tumblr](https://couronnedesfleurs.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Please leave a comment to let me know what you thought, and thank you for reading! 💕


	3. Repeat History

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to the unfortunate events of the night Anakin and Obi-Wan argued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT CHAPTER WARNING, PLEASE READ: So to avoid triggering anyone, I will now include individual chapter warnings which everyone must read. This chapter deals with dark themes including physical violence, slavery and the general awfulness that comes with all of that, e.g. abuse, abduction, noncon drugging, touching, disturbing conversations etc. If any of that sounds uncomfortable, DO NOT READ. You can skip to the notes at the bottom for more detail of these triggers within the plot to see if they are manageable for you, but otherwise, please do not proceed.
> 
> This chapter should hopefully shed some light on what Anakin referred to at the end of chapter 2.

_‘You never listen!’ Anakin yelled in frustration._

_They had been going around in circles for what seemed like hours now, but this was far from the first time this particular argument had reared its ugly head. No matter what the cause was, their problems always seemed to come back to one fundamental issue._

_‘I have listened, Anakin. I listened as you explained why you beat up a fellow padawan and destroyed his lightsaber. I listened as Master Windu berated you both for your actions. I listened as Ferus offered an apology, yet you refused to give one in return!’_

_Obi-Wan’s face was pinched with annoyance, but worse than that, disappointment. Anakin’s skin burned._

_‘But you won’t listen to why-’_

_‘It doesn’t matter why! There is nothing that gives you an excuse to behave like that. You got into fights as a child, and I made exceptions for you. I told myself that you were young, not brought up knowing the ways of the Temple, that soon you would settle down. I see now I was wrong, as you still act as if you’re that child-’_

_‘I’m not a fucking_ child _, even if you keep treating me like one! I’m almost eighteen-’_

_‘Age is no indication of wisdom, Anakin, as you’ve proven today. If you insist on acting like a child, I have no choice but to treat you like one. Do you know how embarrassing it was to be called into the Jedi council for an urgent meeting, only to find it was because you’d had a meaningless brawl?’_

_Anakin rolled his eyes._

_‘Of course. Of_ course _you’re more concerned about what the Jedi think of you than what they think of me-’_

_‘Don’t be ridiculous Anakin, I have nothing to prove to the Jedi. You, on the other hand, have everything to lose. Why do you insist on making such a spectacle of yourself? If you just applied yourself, had a little more patience, you could be a truly remarkable Jedi-’_

_‘I’m already a great Jedi, Master,’ Anakin stated proudly as Obi-Wan’s brow creased further, ‘I’m the best in lightsaber combat, with the quickest reflexives. My battle strategies are better than everyone else’s. I’ve completed more successful missions than any other padawan in the Temple put together.’_

_Obi-Wan could not argue with these truths. But his fears for his padawan, still so wild and independent, superseded the brilliance of Anakin’s talents._

_‘You are all of those things, yes. You are also wilful, disobedient, and arrogant. You made me feel ashamed in there today, Anakin. I taught you better than that.’_

_Obi-Wan’s blue eyes, usually a calm lake that Anakin could swim to for safety, were now a tempest._

_‘I didn’t mean to let you down Master,’ Anakin said with grudging sincerity, ‘and I’m sorry I disappointed you. But I will not, under any circumstances, apologise to Olin. He got what he deserved.’_

_Obi-Wan sighed in dismay, and Anakin wished he wasn’t so well-acquainted with that sound._

_‘Never mind, I don’t know why I bothered. I wouldn’t expect you to understand,’ Anakin muttered, turning away. But Obi-Wan stepped forward._

_‘We are not done here, Anakin. We are going to have this conversation out, even if it takes all ni-’_

_‘HE CALLED ME A SLAVE!’_

_Time stood still as Obi-Wan stared at him. Anakin hated that despite all of his anger, hurt and frustration towards his master, he couldn’t stop himself from admiring him._

_He wasn’t quite sure when his childish affection for his master had shifted into something more ardent. When playful lightsaber matches suddenly left him breathless as he finally noticed the deadly beauty that was Obi-Wan Kenobi in combat, a vision of impeccably crafted bronze and turquoise and ivory that made Anakin’s head spin. When Obi-Wan’s praises, rarely bestowed in that velvety voice and therefore more worth the earning, made Anakin’s cheeks flush and his heart pull a series of somersaults like he was competing in a pod race. When Obi-Wan’s newly grown-out hair made the cave of his mouth as dry as the deserts of Tatooine._

_It wasn’t just a physical awakening of Obi-Wan’s attractiveness. Anakin had always been attached to Obi-Wan, far more than was normally acceptable for a Jedi, and for good reason; the man was practically flawless. He was kind to the younglings, patient with the padawans, and wise beyond his years in front of the council. He possessed a quick wit that left Anakin feeling idiotic, cursing his Tatooine upbringing with its substandard education. Being around Obi-Wan didn’t only make him want to be with the older man; it made him want to be his equal._

_However it had first transpired, it had happened devastatingly quickly, so profoundly imbedded in Anakin’s conscience that he didn’t have a single moment of realisation. It was more a slow, heady thing, like falling into a deep chasmic reverie that wasn’t quite as harsh as reality, nor as perfect as a dream. All Anakin knew was that he loved Obi-Wan. The whys and the hows and the whens were irrelevant, it simply was. He was Anakin Skywalker, former slave (as that bastard Ferus had delighted in pointing out), current Jedi padawan, and he was in love with Obi-Wan Kenobi._

_In many ways, admitting it to himself was the easy part. He hadn’t had to wrestle with his morals in order to confess. When the truth came, it came easily._

_The hard bit was hiding it from everyone else._

_‘It makes no difference. Your actions are still not excused, Anakin.’_

_Anakin broke free from his thoughts to stare incredulously at his unmoved master. He started pacing, needing to do something with all the pent-up energy that was coursing through his veins. He’d never been one for sitting still._

_‘ “Makes no difference”? It makes all the difference! He provoked me deliberately, and it wasn’t the first time! I tried ignoring him master, I swear I did, but he wouldn’t stop until I made him. You can punish me however you like; it doesn’t change the facts.’_

_Anakin tilted his chin up obstinately after his little speech, crossing his arms. Obi-Wan now matched his previous incredulity._

_‘Did you ever stop to wonder_ why _he was so intent on provoking you, Anakin?’_

_The silence proved he had not._

_‘He is jealous,’ Obi-Wan said softly, ‘jealous of your talents, of your natural connection to the Force, of your raw innate ability with a lightsaber. It is in his best interests to get you into trouble; or more accurately, to let you land yourself in it. By showcasing your temper to the council, it doesn’t matter how special you are. They will only see that you still hold onto pride, to fear, to anger-’_

_‘Oh, so_ now _you admit that I’m special, when you’ve spent most of your life trying to deny it!’ Anakin shouted, ‘what happened to- what was it again? “_ Pathetic life form _”?’_

_Obi-Wan blanched, and Anakin felt a sick stab of satisfaction._

_‘We have been over this, Anakin-’ he said before cutting off, and Anakin could almost see the calming mantras running through Obi-Wan’s mind as they did when he meditated. In, out. Release. Let your anger dissolve into the Force. ‘No one ever said you weren’t talented-’ he tried again, slowly, as if trying to hang on to the remainder of his patience. Anakin had many talents, including one for testing it to its limits._

_‘I know I’m talented, I don’t need you to tell me that,’ Anakin retorted, ‘you’re deliberately ignoring my question like those politicians you despise so much. It_ was _‘Pathetic life form’, wasn’t it? Or was it ‘pathetic slave’? Could well have been either.’_

_His eyes were ablaze, pinning Obi-Wan in place with the weight of the accusation._

_‘You know I would_ never _call you that, Anakin. I have never thought less of you for where you came from-’_

_Anakin laughed humourlessly._

_‘You could’ve fooled me. You never even wanted me in the first place; it was Qui-Gon who freed me, who fought for my place here, who gave a shit about me. You only took me in to respect his memory. If it had been up to you, you would’ve dumped me back on Tatooine,’ Anakin lashed out._

_‘That’s not true Anakin, and you know it,’ Obi-Wan said evenly, and Anakin despised how he sounded so_ calm, _so_ reasonable _while Anakin felt like a storm about to erupt._

_He loved Obi-Wan, but there were times he hated him, too._

_‘I appealed to the Jedi on your behalf! I would have left the order to train you, had they refused! I only ever did what was in your best interests, and you repay me by picking petty fights with other padawans-’_

_‘Qui-Gon would have understood. Qui-Gon would have stood by me. Qui-Gon would have cared!’ Anakin shouted, aware that he sounded like a child now and was inadvertently proving Obi-Wan right, but he was too angry to care._

_‘I can’t wait until this braid is cut, then I’ll finally be rid of you.’_

_As soon as the words tumbled out, Anakin wished he could reel them back in and bury them deep down where they belonged. For the intent wasn’t wholly how Obi-Wan would perceive it; Anakin no longer wanted to be Obi-Wan’s padawan. He wanted to be his partner._

_Obi-Wan froze, and his expressionless face told Anakin he’d finally gone too far._

_‘You are not the only one who anticipates that day.’_

_The room seemed to gasp for air as the words settled heavy like a funeral shroud._

_Nothing could have hurt Anakin more. The apparent confession to all his darkest fears, that Obi-Wan hated him and had never wanted him, would cast him off with glee as soon as he could in order to train a new apprentice, someone who’d been raised like a proper Jedi, someone more talented, someone more worthy. It cut deep into the depths of his soul, depths he wasn’t even aware he’d had until Obi-Wan had plunged his spirit there._

_Raising his head, furious tears trickling down his cheeks, he locked eyes directly with Obi-Wan._

_‘I wish you’d died instead of Qui-Gon.’_

_Obi-Wan’s hand raised so quickly, so reflexively, that neither of them saw it coming. It stopped inches from Anakin’s face, hovering tensely in the air while they both stared at it. It was difficult to say who looked more shocked. Anakin’s cheek flamed, as if feeling the phantom slap that had been seconds away from impact._

_The hit might not have registered, but the damage was done._

_No matter how much he provoked his master- and he had done that a lot, over the years- Obi-Wan had never raised a hand to him. Ever._

_They stood in horrified silence for a few seconds, or maybe it was a few hours. The gravity of what had happened was not lost on either one._

_‘Anakin- I-’_

_But Anakin was gone, fleeing the apartment with the agility he had earlier boasted of. Obi-Wan’s mind screamed at him to follow, to fix what he had broken, to beg for forgiveness, but his knees failed him as they buckled to the floor._

* * *

_It was several hours later, and Anakin had not returned._

_Obi-Wan had been pacing the apartment in a constant state of anxiety ever since he’d found the strength to stand up again, monitoring Anakin’s Force signature, though the boy had attempted to cut him off. He had done a good job, and under normal circumstances, would have held up to Obi-Wan’s prodding. But Anakin’s emotions were so heightened, so extreme, that Obi-Wan was able to feel him even through the barriers Anakin had placed there. He did not need the shields to know that he had done something unforgiveable._

_No matter what Anakin had said- and his words had been hateful indeed- Obi-Wan should never have reacted like that. He was a Jedi Master. He was the Force, and the Force was him. Nothing should ever provoke him to such violence. It was not the Jedi way, but more importantly, not Obi-Wan’s way._

_He had known of Jedi masters who used physical means to punish their padawans, and it had always made him uneasy. He never imagined there was any situation where words were not the best course of action, and he had always followed this ideal through with Anakin. Whether the words always got through or not was entirely another matter, but he’d always been comforted by the fact that he_ tried. _It was even more important with Anakin to try and build a bond with him, to establish trust, to nurture him. His upbringing had been so turbulent and violent, so removed from the peaceful Jedi way of life, that Obi-Wan sometimes despaired of Anakin ever learning their ways. Nonetheless, he had endeavoured to make it his life’s mission; firstly, to honour Qui-Gon, and later, due to a genuine affection for his padawan in his own right. He reminded him of Qui-Gon in many ways. They were both inquisitive, emotional, independent beings, with a wild streak and breath-taking talent. The similarities had been hard to take at first, but as time went on, Obi-Wan’s fondness for Anakin began to include the foibles he’d heard the council berate Qui-Gon for._

_He’d never understood why his master couldn’t just play by the rules. He was so greatly respected that it seemed heinous he did not occupy a seat on the Council. Perhaps Anakin was right about one thing; Qui-Gon would have understood him much better than Obi-Wan clearly did. Qui-Gon would have known just how to tame their wild boy. Qui-Gon would never have raised a hand to him in anger, no matter the circumstances._

_Tonight, he had unravelled all the years of hard work he’d put in to do right by Qui-Gon and Anakin. He had lost his padawan._

_Yoda’s mantra floated across his mind, the words so overused that he often wanted to roll his eyes when he heard them._

_‘Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. Anger leads to the Dark side. Beware the Dark side, we all should.’_

_He wasn’t laughing now._

_For the first time in his entire life aside from the days after Qui-Gon’s death, Obi-Wan was at a complete loss as to what to do. The last thing he wanted to do was alert anyone on the council to what had happened- he didn’t want Anakin punished for his mistakes. No matter his padawan’s other faults, he had long outgrown the days of sneaking out of their apartment illegally simply to find trouble- or as Anakin put it, ‘for trouble to find him’._

_Anakin would not have left if it weren’t for Obi-Wan’s actions, and he could not discuss with anyone what had happened. He was too ashamed, too guilt-stricken._

_He was on his own._

_His first plan had been to wait for Anakin to calm down and come home when he was ready- this would suit everyone the best. Anakin would get his much-needed space away, and Obi-Wan could reflect on his actions._

_But as the hours passed and he instead felt Anakin not only drift into the lower levels of Coruscant but also become more and more inebriated, he realised this was unlikely to happen._

_He feared for his padawan, though he knew that was a signal of his overzealous attachment. Anakin shone so brightly, a beacon within the Force and outside, but he was still so young, with a penchant for putting himself into danger. Anything could happen to a young, vulnerable Jedi in the seedy lower levels- even armed with a lightsaber._

_Obi-Wan stood up resolutely._

_Even if Anakin decided to never talk to him again, to choose another master for the remainder of his apprenticeship, Obi-Wan would respect his decision. He was, however, going to bring him home no matter what. Whatever dangers Anakin now supposed Obi-Wan posed him, he faced tenfold out there in the Coruscant nightlife._

_He pulled on his cloak and left the Temple hastily, sending a quick comm message to his friend Quinlan Voss to explain that if he and Anakin were not back within the hour, to head for their last known location with backup. He knew Quinlan was the only person he could trust not only to help them out if needed, but also to not ask questions._

_He’d never seen the appeal being outside the Temple held for Anakin. Obi-Wan had always found it rather unmoving. But, he chastised himself as he marched determinedly through the crowds towards the supernova that was Anakin Skywalker, he had not grow up as a slave. He couldn’t possibly imagine what it was like to live without freedom. He had severely failed his padawan in that regard, in attempting to understand why things were still so difficult for him._

_If he found Anakin in one piece, he would spend the rest of his life trying to make amends._

_When he eventually found the cantina his padawan had frequented, he searched all around for his familiar statuesque frame. But his Force signature was gone, and the trail that Obi-Wan had been following was merely an echo of the light Anakin had left behind._

_Fear was now well and truly tying his stomach into knots as he approached the bartender, a friendly Twi’lek, and asked if she had seen Anakin. When he described his padawan, her eyes widened._

_‘He was here about an hour ago, Master Jedi. He was very drunk by that point; he’d been kicked out of all the other bars in the area. He got into a fight with some newcomers, and we had to ask them all to leave. The last I saw, he was heading in that direction.’_

_She’d barely jerked her head before Obi-Wan was off, muttering his thanks._

_Sure enough, Anakin’s trail led to a series of small alleyways beside the cantina. Obi-Wan was relieved not to see any blood or signs of struggle, but he was still apprehensive. This feeling intensified when he identified speeder tracks close by, not native to Coruscant, no doubt taking Anakin with them._

_He took off at a run, nearly knocking over several people on the street in his haste to find his padawan. He reached out again into their bond as he sped through the winding streets, lower and lower into the underbelly of the city. There was nothing._

_He prayed that this meant Anakin was merely unconscious or cut off from the Force, and not the worst possible scenario._

_He didn’t know how long he ran; time had no meaning when finding Anakin was his only objective. Eventually the tracks led him to an abandoned building in the outskirts of Coruscant, maybe once used as a warehouse or a droid factory. It was a dreary, secluded place with no other buildings around, and no transport to see, but Obi-Wan didn’t doubt for one second that the speeder had made its way here, whatever they’d done with it afterwards. The building might have seemed innocuous enough from the outside, with no visible light to make out; but Obi-Wan wasn’t a Jedi for nothing. He commed Quinlan, telling him to follow immediately and bring backup, before turning his receptor off. He couldn’t have it going off and possibly alerting the enemy._

_Silently, he found a back entrance that he could shimmy open without drawing attention to himself. He tiptoed through the deserted passageways, one hand resting lightly on his saber ready to draw if needed. The route was taking him higher and higher into the eaves of the building, and every flight of stairs had his anxiety rising._

_He found himself on a metal grille platform surrounding the main floor of the factory. It had been stripped bare, leaving a large vacuous space. There was a dim light that cast shadows onto the stairwell, and at the sound of voices, he inched nearer and nearer, holding his breath in order to catch every word._

_‘…I’m telling you, we nearly have an entire shipment full. Good quality stuff, too. Boss’ll be pleased.’_

_Ah. Smugglers. Not Obi-Wan’s idea of good company, but not exactly the scum of the earth. Some of his tensions relieved slightly. Anakin had probably got into a fight with the wrong people, and they’d brought him here to teach him a lesson._

_So palpable was his relief, leaning back against the damp wall slightly, that he almost missed the next part of the conversation._

_‘Yes, yes, they’re all locked up in cages below. Lucky we found this place; easy to keep them out of sight, away from anyone that could hear them.’_

_Trickles of unease began to inch down Obi-Wan’s spine. Tense again, he made his way closer and closer._

_‘We lucked out tonight, too. Weren’t even looking for new stock, and look what we stumbled across! A piece of gold among the dirt.’_

_With a sinking stomach, Obi-Wan eventually peered around the corner. There were at least four individuals of varying species, looming over a figure kneeling on the ground with their hands cuffed behind them._

_Though he couldn’t sense Anakin, he’d recognise that golden head of hair anywhere._

_‘Look, boys. This one’s a Jedi! Got that little braid and everything. He’ll make us a lot of money, ‘specially with that pretty face.’_

_The slaver used the tip of his gun to tilt Anakin’s chin up towards them._

_‘Stay the fuck away from me,’ Anakin hissed, eyes flashing dangerously like a cornered Krayt dragon._

_‘Careful, pretty boy has claws,’ his companion laughed, twirling Anakin’s saber carelessly as the first one stroked a hand admiringly across Anakin’s cheekbone, then along his jaw._

_Obi-Wan saw red._

_Without sparing a moment to think, he sprang from his hiding place to land directly on the other side of them._

_‘If you want to keep your limbs, I suggest you step away from him,’ he said pleasantly, though his eyes were fixed on Anakin._

_He’d looked better, but he seemed all in one piece. His eyes seemed hazy, perhaps from the alcohol or some kind of drug they’d administered him with, but they widened in astonishment as he stared back at his master. He clearly hadn’t expected Obi-Wan to come for him, and Obi-Wan’s heart broke._

_They couldn’t communicate mentally due to the cuffs, which must have been suppressing Anakin’s Force powers, but their eyes said it all._

**_I’m sorry, Obi-Wan._ **

**_Not as sorry as I am, Anakin._ **

_‘Another Jedi! This really_ is _our lucky day,’ the first one sneered. ‘You’re not as pretty as your friend here, but maybe you’d be good for the spice mines. They always want fresh meat.’_

_Obi-Wan’s eyes narrowed._

_‘I asked once, **nicely.** I won’t ask again.’ _

_The first one snorted derisively._

_‘Or what, Jedi? What will you do? I know your kind; you’re keepers of the peace. You won’t do anything to us, and besides, we outnumber you. That means there’s nothing to stop me from doing this.’_

_He reached out and fisted a hand in Anakin’s hair, yanking his head back and baring his throat to Obi-Wan._

_‘Such soft pretty hair, and such a lovely neck,’ the man taunted, stroking the muzzle of his blaster up and down Anakin’s skin, ‘Someone would pay a great deal of money to see a collar fastened around it. It would suit him, don’t you think? Perhaps_ you’d _like to take us up on the offer, Jedi? You seem very protective of him. He could be your little pet.’ He winked as he leant down and whispered the last part in Anakin’s ear, relishing in his discomfort: ‘I won’t tell if you don’t.’_

_For anyone who asked, it was the slavers that attacked first._

_Anakin watched with his mouth wide open as Obi-Wan flew in a deadly, graceful arc across the room, cutting down several of the slavers with one sharp swing of his saber, including the one who’d trailed the gun over Anakin’s neck. There was a darkness in his eyes that Anakin had never seen, not even earlier on during their blazing row. It both terrified and excited him at the same time, and he pitied those who would never get to see this side of Obi-Wan. Like an avenging angel full of righteous anger, he was magnificent as he cut down the slavers. Anakin knew that he should be aghast at this massacre, but instead he was enthralled at Obi-Wan’s display of protectiveness, all in his name._

_Those scum deserved everything they had coming to them._

_Eventually Obi-Wan stood alone, barely breaking a sweat, surrounded by the slaver’s bodies. He kicked one out of his way as he hastened to Anakin’s side._

_‘Are you alright, dear one? Are you injured?’ he murmured urgently into Anakin’s ear, finding the mechanism for the cuffs and springing him free. Anakin’s brain had to take a moment to catch up with everything that had happened, as well as Obi-Wan’s hand gently rubbing the feeling back into his wrists, before he could coherently reply._

_‘I’m okay. You arrived just in time,’ he said, curling in on himself. Embarrassed was not the word. How could Obi-Wan ever forgive him for what he had said? And not only that, he had gone and got himself kidnapped by slavers barely five seconds later-_

_Obi-Wan cupped his face in his hands, meeting his watery gaze._

_‘Listen to me, Anakin. What happened to you tonight was **not your fault**. Do you understand me? You are not responsible for these people’s actions. Now, can you tell me if there are any more of them I should know about?’ _

_‘There are lots more of them. They’re downstairs with the other- with the slaves,’ Anakin said quietly, and Obi-Wan helped him stand up, returning his stolen lightsaber to him, which seemed to bring him back to himself._

_It was a good thing that Quinlan Voss turned up when he did, arriving with backup a few minutes later, surrounding the building and forcing the slavers to surrender. Obi-Wan had never admitted it to anyone, but he wasn’t sure he’d have been able to stop before he slaughtered the entire lot._

_He claimed the deaths of the slavers in the main room had been unavoidable, an act of self-defence, protecting his padawan. Nobody batted an eye. They would never doubt the word of Obi-Wan Kenobi, after all._

_He’d even covered for Anakin when they arrived back at the Temple, telling the council in their emergency convened meeting that he’d sent Anakin on a brief reconnoitre to a suspected smuggling warehouse as penance for his earlier fight, and when he’d sensed his padawan’s distress, he’d run to the rescue. The best lies always contained a tiny grain of truth, after all._

_Master Windu, who had been priming himself to berate Anakin for his carelessness, was stopped in his tracks by Obi-Wan’s sincere words. Yoda was similarly moved, and considering that the Jedi were being hailed as heroes for taking down a slaver ring and freeing around fifty slaves, neither of them could say very much on the subject except congratulate Obi-Wan on his instincts, and Quinlan on his expediency._

_All things considered, he’d managed to remain fairly calm in front of the council, nodding at the appropriate moments and projecting a veil of rationality. It wasn’t until they were back in the privacy of their apartment that he’d enveloped Anakin into a desperate hug, as if he could somehow transfer his self-preservation genes to the foolish, priceless boy who had seemingly misplaced his._

_‘ **Never** do that to me again, do you hear me?’ he said lowly, his voice almost breaking. ‘You are far too precious to me. I refuse to lose you.’_

_‘I’m sorry, master,’ Anakin said, muffled by Obi-Wan’s cloak that had somehow wrapped around them both, ‘and I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean it, any of it. I don’t want another master. I only want you.’_

_As cruel and cutting as his words could be, equally could they be sweet and disarming. Obi-Wan hugged him tighter._

_‘It is I who must apologise to you, Anakin. I should never have said what I did. I acted in a most un-Jedi like way, and said things I did not mean. The fact I almost struck you is unforgiveable. I understand if you wish to dissolve our partnership.’_

_Obi-Wan wasn’t sure what magic word he’d uttered, but Anakin immediately perked up, his tear-filled eyes now bright and clear as the night sky as he gazed at Obi-Wan._

_‘There’s no getting rid of me now, master. If you’ll have me.’_

_‘I would not have anyone else.’_

_Satisfied with that, Anakin buried himself back into the cocoon of the cloak._

_‘Thank you for coming for me, master.’_

_‘There’s nowhere in the galaxy I would not go for you, Anakin,’ Obi-Wan said seriously. He supposed he should be horrified at this attachment, at the lengths to which he would go to keep Anakin from harm. But it was now irrevocable. Their fates were tied as closely as his and Qui-Gon’s had once been._

_The realisation that he could have lost Anakin hit him anew, and he pulled him closer, head resting on top of Anakin’s, his beard tickling the padawan braid. Anakin clutched back just as fiercely, and if Obi-Wan felt his shoulder dampen where Anakin had buried his head, he said nothing._

_They remained like that until the dawn, taking comfort in the solid steady heartbeats of the other which signalled that as long as they were alive, nothing could come between them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Obi-Wan raises his hand as if he is going to hit Anakin, though he does not. Anakin runs away and gets into a fight, where he gets captured by slavers. There is talk of Anakin being sold into slavery, and one of them touches Anakin (non-sexual but obviously non-consensual). Please don’t read if any of this will be triggering. 
> 
> Please leave a comment, and thank you for reading!
> 
> Come scream about Hayden Christensen with me on [Tumblr](https://couronnedesfleurs.tumblr.com/), and if you need some fluff after that angst, allow me to shamelessly self-promote my [Senator Anakin and Jedi Obi-Wan fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28443834).


	4. Trying To Meet You: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The argument continues, and feelings heighten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay in updating but rest assured I haven't forgotten this fic. I have too many wips atm, not enough time for writing, and terrible mental health, but hopefully this one was worth the wait. I had to split it in two because it got too lengthy and honestly it worked better in two parts- no promises on when the next one will be out but I have got some pre-written already so hopefully not *too* long. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, your comments motivate me to write, and thank you for all the wonderful support so far 😊

Horror came crashing in at Anakin’s words, at remembering that awful night when he’d almost lost his padawan, and instantly all the fight left Obi-Wan. He flew back from Anakin as if burned. His hands loosened by his sides and his Force power subsided, the inferno now a pile of embers. The burnished, browned edges of the usually bronze light did not escape his notice.

They could only mean one thing.

He’d touched the Dark side.

_No._

He would not- he _could not_ lose himself.

He also couldn’t lose Anakin, _refused_ to, and he’d been so, _so_ irrevocably close that night.

But it didn’t matter how much Obi-Wan wished to keep Anakin safe from harm. As far as Anakin was concerned, the biggest threat to him at that moment was Obi-Wan.

‘So you _do_ remember,’ Anakin murmured, crossing his arms over his chest, ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d deny it. You are the ‘perfect Jedi’ after all, the famed ‘negotiator’- I almost expected you to try and negotiate me into doubting my own memories. That’s what you’re best at, isn’t it?’

He was parroting back the words that Master Windu had spoken in the council chamber earlier, and Obi-Wan’s cheeks flared. He knew the praise was unwarranted, even more than Anakin did. But for Anakin to believe he would use his oratory powers of manipulation on _him,_ the most important person in his life, made Obi-Wan realise just how terribly he’d misjudged the situation.

‘Forgive me. You know I never meant to hurt you, Anakin-’

‘Do I? It seems to be all you _do_. You hurt me, and you _use me,’_ Anakin breathed, his eyes starting to gloss with angry tears, ‘I know it was you who suggested I be the one to watch you ‘die’. Maybe the council encouraged it, but _you_ made it happen. And not only did you use me, you used Ahsoka! She was left to pick up the pieces after you decided you’d go and play dead-’

‘Let’s not pretend this is about Ahsoka, Anakin-’

‘The hell it is! I don’t know why I’m surprised. You show her as much respect as you ever showed me. I may be an ‘unconventional’ master, but at least I give a crap about her! At least I _care_ about my padawan-’

‘That’s simply not true. How many times have I saved you, shielded you both from harm and from the criticism of the council?’

‘Ah yes, I forgot. Of _course_ Obi-Wan Kenobi, holier than thou and saviour of us all, never has an ulterior motive behind anything he does. It’s not like you do it for praise or for the council to kiss your ass even more-’

‘ _Anakin-’_

‘Tell me I’m wrong! Tell me that I wasn’t just a charity case for you right from the start, a project to make _you_ look good, and now you’re trying to do the same to my padawan!’

Anakin squared up to Obi-Wan, his jaw clenched.

‘Well, I refuse. She won’t be used or manipulated by you or the council, whatever you try and do. You might have the eternal glory and prestige of having trained the ‘chosen one’ which I can’t take away from you, so congratulations for that, but I am not _yours_ anymore!’

He smirked, his eyes taking on a dangerous sheen as he leaned into Obi-Wan’s personal space.

‘That’s what this is all about, isn’t it, old man? You can’t _stand_ the fact that you can’t control me anymore, that I’m not your padawan to push around as you please.’

‘I never wanted to _own_ you Anakin, I wanted to guide and care for you-!’

‘ _Bullshit!_ You _all_ want to own me! Watto, Miraj Scintel, the Jedi…you’re all the same! You all see me as nothing more than a slave, an object you can use for your own gain. And you, _Master?_ You’re the worst of them all.’

That night on Coruscant, the slavers had been arrested and charged for their crimes. It was the closest the Jedi had ever come to administering punishment for the horrors Anakin had faced as a child, and Obi-Wan secretly despised the council for being so powerless. A handful of slapped wrists was not good enough when compared to the millions that still suffered every day under the horrors of slavery. He wondered if Anakin ever found out that his precious Chancellor had privately declined a vote that would’ve given the Jedi more authority in slavery-legal systems.

It was unlikely. As far as everyone else knew, the Chancellor was fiercely abolitionist; not even Senator Amidala would have guessed that the old man was apathetic to the plight of slaves, slaves like Anakin had once been. His sway would have changed the outcome of the vote, but as it was, the laws surrounding slavery remained the same, and the Jedi’s power remained limited. It was this that had prevented them from taking more thorough measures in Zygerria.

After freeing the slaves, they should have razed the whole infernal planet to the ground, along with the Chancellor. Whenever he remembered the way that the slaver Queen had run her hands possessively over Anakin’s chest, calling him _her_ Jedi, he was tempted to go and finish the job. Zygerria deserved to burn.

But even the image of Anakin as Miraj Scintel’s prisoner, forever scarred into Obi-Wan’s mind, did not hurt as deeply as Anakin’s accusation.

‘You honestly think I’m no better than that… that slaver scum.’ Obi-Wan sounded dead even to his own ears.

‘You just held me against my will using the Force. You don’t do that to someone you respect!’ Anakin steamed ahead, ‘But what I don’t understand is this: if you hate me so much, why didn’t you just let them take me that night? You could’ve saved yourself a lot of trouble. I know how desperate you always were to get rid of me.’

He was choking out the words now, furious and humiliated to be crying in front of Obi-Wan of all people.

‘I-I should never have done that Anakin, I don’t know what came over me-’

 _‘_ Yes, you do. We both do. It’s ironic; the council are convinced that it’s me who’s the biggest flight risk, that I’m the most susceptible to the dark side, that I’m brash and angry and afraid and all the things that make me a lousy Jedi. But perhaps it’s _you_ they should have been wary of all along…’

Anakin’s eyes burned, and in them Obi-Wan swore he saw a flash of gold.

‘It’s there, maybe buried so far underneath all your holier-than-thou crap that you’re not even aware of it. There’s fear and anger in all of us, and not even the saintly, perfect Obi-Wan Kenobi is exempt from the dark side,’ Anakin spat, and the words were eerily familiar as if someone else was speaking through Anakin.

Obi-Wan stared in alarm, the pieces starting to come together in his mind.

‘You’ve been visiting the Chancellor again, haven’t you?’

‘And so what if I have? After my beloved _master_ passed away, I needed some guidance. Good thing he was there to step in and fix your fuck ups, like he always has.’

Obi-Wan was appalled. He had expressly related his concerns to Master Yoda and Master Windu about Palpatine’s unnerving interest in Anakin from the moment he’d first arrived in the temple. It was uncommon for him to pay such close attention to a Jedi who was not a member of the council, and they had agreed that Anakin spent too much time around the politician. Yet they had let these visits go unchecked in his absence, and now Anakin was sounding like the man’s mouthpiece.

He told himself his fears were valid, solely rooted in concern for the welfare of his former apprentice, and for the most part this was true.

But he could not deny the tiny flicker of jealousy that shrivelled inside him at the thought that Anakin had sought solace from another; solace that he would freely have given to him had he been able to.

Solace from someone so wholly unsuitable.

He longed to tell him the truth, that the Chancellor cared no more for Anakin than he did for any of the other cards in his sabacc deck. But there was no way he could risk bringing up the subject of slavery again when it had already upset Anakin so much, and the argument was already explosive enough for his liking. He swallowed his ammunition for later. 

‘Palpatine is hardly a shining example of virtue, Anakin! Surely you have not allowed yourself to be deceived by him-’

‘Oh, so now I’m stupid as well as expendable?’ Anakin snarled.

‘On the contrary. You are highly intelligent, which makes this all the more aggravating. Whatever he’s said to draw you in, he’s a _politician,_ and they’re not to be trusted-’

‘I thought that was just the selective vitriol you save for Padmé, seeing as you have a weird grudge against her,’ Anakin retorted, ‘despite the fact you seem more than happy to chase after Duchess Kryze when we visit Mandalore-’

‘I do _not-’_

‘-you’re such a _hypocrite,_ old man, and you don’t have the right to lecture me about attachment. I _know_ you had feelings for Satine-’

‘-Stop right there, Anakin-’

‘-Hell, you’ve probably kriffed her more times than I can count-’

‘- _ANAKIN-!‘_

‘-For all I know that’s what you were _really_ up to when you were away-’

‘-How _dare_ you talk about Satine that way,’ Obi-Wan thundered, ‘you know how sacred our oath is, I would never have lowered either of us to the disgrace of breaking it, despite what we might have felt for each other-’

‘Having done it, _Master,_ I can say you missed out. Despite the many rules I’ve broken, this one felt the most exhilarating.’

Anakin’s eyes were shining not just with tears now but with triumphant spite. Obi-Wan tensed, feeling his spine go rigid as he registered Anakin’s words with a plummeting stomach.

‘You mean you had an affair with _Padmé_?! How could you be so irresponsible Anakin, and with Senator Amidala of all people!’ Obi-Wan thundered, his eyes flashing. ‘You _know_ the rules of attachment, and she could lose her job-!’

‘It wasn’t an affair. I loved her. I loved her from the moment I saw her; I couldn’t help it, and neither could she.’

Each word sent knives stabbing deeper and deeper into Obi-Wan’s heart.

‘When… when did this _affair_ begin?’

‘I _told_ you, it wasn’t an affair. It began on Naboo when I was assigned as her bodyguard-’

‘For _five years_? You’ve been carrying on this… _relationship_ behind my back for _five years?!’_

Anakin rolled his eyes and Obi-Wan wanted to shake him for his insolence.

‘Relax, you’re not as special as you think you are. We never told anyone, and it was meant to stay that way, until I proposed to her-’

‘You _proposed?!’_

Obi-Wan was now turning a rather violent shade of purple not unlike Master Windu’s lightsaber.

‘Don’t worry, she’s far smarter than I. She turned me down; but we still care for each other very deeply to this day. Neither of us could fully quit the other.’

The implications of that rung in the air between them like sirens.

Of all the many, many reckless things Anakin had ever done, none had blindsided Obi-Wan quite as much as this. For this was a betrayal of the deepest variety. Not only had Anakin lied to his face and been living a double life behind his back, he’d shown that Obi-Wan was replaceable in his eyes. He’d proposed, and in doing so had risked throwing away everything that he’d worked so hard for. He would have dropped the Jedi- and Obi-Wan- in a heartbeat in order to be with Padmé, and with that, Obi-Wan came to a gut-wrenching conclusion.

It wasn’t Anakin who meant nothing to Obi-Wan. It was the other way around.

To hear they’d slept together and deceived everyone in their inner circle for years was bad enough, but to hear Anakin profess his love for her, as serious as he’d ever seen his ex-padawan, was the most hurtful thing he’d ever endured.

How could he _stand_ there, so smug, so pleased with himself, as if this was a game? As if Obi-Wan didn’t love him as deeply as a Jedi was allowed to love anyone?

It was then that he realised he’d been losing Anakin for far longer than he’d initially feared.

‘You know what I think?’

Anakin broke the silence, his eyes gleaming

‘It’s a relief to hear that you _do_ actually partake in that activity, Anakin,’ Obi-Wan said cuttingly, but Anakin surged on, fuelled by Obi-Wan’s anger.

‘I think you’re jealous. You’re a bitter, jealous old man who can’t stand the fact that I had the independence to follow my heart unlike you-’

‘Is that what the Chancellor’s been telling you, Anakin? That the Jedi merely wish to set you up for failure out of envy? I can see he has ensnared you by appealing to your ego and vanity,’ Obi-Wan said icily, his mind tormenting him with images of Padmé and Anakin together. The more he shoved them away, the clearer they became. Legs intwined between sheets, hands clutching at hair, sighs and moans and declarations of love-

‘It’s a wonder I have an ego left to appeal to after being scorned and degraded as your padawan all those years,’ Anakin retorted just as coolly, ‘but yes; you’re jealous, and probably of my relationship with Padmé now too. Maybe you liked her all along and your distrust of politicians was just a front for your real feelings. You do seem to have a _thing_ for politicians, after all-’

 _Ignorant Jedi more like,_ Obi-Wan thought.

He could have laughed at how close Anakin was to guessing the truth, yet how spectacularly he had misfired. For all Anakin’s intelligent arrogance, he was incredibly short sighted.

In his turmoil, he hadn’t been careful enough. The thought slipped through his carefully maintained shields, and into his frayed bond with Anakin.

Anakin’s mirth disappeared like a ship beneath roiling waves.

‘I never thought you’d sink that low,’ he said quietly, ‘you really are cruel. Why would you _say that-’_

From Obi-Wan’s point of view, there was nothing to lose.

He took a deep breath.

‘Because _I love you, Anakin-’_

 _‘NOT IN THE WAY I WANT YOU TO!’_ Anakin shouted, stumbling back a few steps. His face immediately went paper white, and his gaze darted down to Obi-Wan’s mouth.

_I wouldn’t be so sure of that, dear one._

Obi-Wan’s thought rippled across their bond again, unguarded and yearning, and he stepped forward, so close he could make out the tiny faint freckles on the bridge of Anakin’s nose- remnants from the blazing suns of Tatooine.

For a few precious seconds they sized each other up, heads tilted half in question and half in answer and their eyes alight with unveiled desire, and it was unclear who leant in first but their mouths were closing in and this would _destroy_ them but rebuild them at the same time, christen them and bless them and make them brand new, make them whole-

‘Don’t… don’t say that. Don’t say that like you _mean it_. Don’t do this.’

Anakin jerked away as if burned, breaking eye contact. Obi-Wan, flustered from the almost-kiss, attempted to undo the damage.

‘I…I had no idea you felt the same way-’

‘I feel _nothing._ I love Padmé, and so do you, otherwise you wouldn’t be playing these sick mind games with me-’

‘It’s not _you_ I’m jealous of, Anakin. It never was.’

Obi-Wan had never indulged himself in visions of confessing his love. It had always seemed such an impossible fantasy, and it didn’t do to dwell on dreams that would never become reality. But even if he had imagined it, he would never have pictured it like this: both simultaneously red and white in the face, chests heaving with anger and frustration, squared up in the corner of Anakin’s quarters. It was far from the idyllic romantic moment that he would have wished for, and Anakin’s next words, uttered so quietly that Obi-Wan nearly missed them, only confirmed his fears that he’d made a grave error. 

‘I want to leave. If my _master_ will permit me.’

Obi-Wan stepped back, too ashamed to look at him.

‘These are your quarters. I’ll leave.’

Maybe Anakin was right. He’d spent too much time around criminals and deadbeats, and he was now no better than them.

He left quietly, leaving his heart behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will deal with the immediate aftermath, so stay tuned. These boys *need* to start communicating properly smh.
> 
> Please leave a comment, they're very motivating, and thank you for reading 💕
> 
> Come scream about SW with me on [Tumblr](https://couronnedesfleurs.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fleurscouronne).


End file.
